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Thursday, April 21, 2005

The True Reason for the Fight Against Bolton

Like most conservatives, I'm furious about what's going in the confirmation hearing for John Bolton, and like most conservatives I believe it's because Bolton has the guts to speak honestly about the UN, with the extra bonus of giving Bush a black eye. Now I fear however, that what's really going on is much, much darker: a full manifestation of the Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy.

How did I crack this web of lies you ask? I simply asked myself this question: "Who stands to lose the most if Bolton is confirmed?" Is it Kofi Annan? No, he's not going anywhere. If the biggest institutional scandal in the history of the world can take place under you nose and you don't get fired, you're effectively fireproof. Perhaps Joe Biden? He will lose a considerable amount of face if despite throwing all his weight against Bolton the confirmation still goes through, but the media tells us that Biden is just an honest, moderate politician with real concerns about our country, so if anything he'll be able to play the role of a martyr and win in the end regardless. No, the one with the most to lose, the one who the Democrats will protect at any cost is, of course, Sean Penn.

That's right, Sean Penn, star of the new thriller "The Interpreter", a roller coaster ride of murder and intrigue that takes place....you guessed it, in the U.N. I'd go into more detail, but all that's really been reported about this movie is that it is the first film allowed to film IN THE ACTUAL U.N. BUILDING! Now that you've picked yourself up off the floor after that stunning announcement, let's examine what that means.

This is a movie who's sole appeal seems to be that it takes place in, and involves the activity of, the U.N. People probably lined up "Star Wars" style the moment they heard that, but wait, what's this? John Bolton says the U.N. is useless, and that if ten floors disappeared overnight, no one would care. All good liberals know that Bolton is wrong, not to mention blasphemous, but what about the movie-going public? On the chance that they aren't as enlightened as the Democratic party, they may lose interest in this cinema event!

Not to worry though, Joe Biden and friends are making sure that the world knows that Bolton is just a mean, grouchy, know-nothing. They've done everything they can to tear him down personally, inviting every kook with a chip on their shoulder to testify. If there was any doubt in America's mind about Bolton or the true glory of the U.N.. it has almost been extinguished.

The fate of Sean Penn, "The Interpreter", and the next Ambassador to the U.N. now appears to be in the hands of Sen. George Voinovich, and, unfortunately, the rumor on the Hill is that he's a big Spicolli fan...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I guess you'll have to start blacklisting members of your own party since many of them are taking part in this "Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy" against Bolton. I'm sure the Republicans who have spoken out against DeLay are in on it too. Please. A child with a keyboard could come up with the same unfounded crap.

4/21/2005 03:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not sure if Mr. “Limburg” is playing a game with his liberal friends or not. The left seems all too eager to buy into the “vast right wing conspiracy” as far back as the Clinton era with Whitewater and Monica-gate up to the more recent theories on how the election was stolen in Ohio last year. If however, one suggests that a conspiracy exists on the left to discredit some liberal or liberal cause, the person suggesting this is labeled a kook.

So Mr. Limburg, let us in on the joke if it was so intended, it must have hit a sensitive spot for one of our liberal friends.

Just a side note on Mr. Bolton’s hearings, when did it become necessary to become a charm school graduate to get a job in DC?

4/21/2005 08:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps you can get the X-Files to look into your "consipracy theories". You certainly seem to be the type to look under the bed for spooks instead of looking in the mirror!

Perhaps the fact that Bolton is being proven a BULLY, one that has zero respect for the international body to which he'd like to liaison, could be behind the fact that even Senator George Voinovich, one of your REPUBLIKKKAN friends, has refused to rubber-stamp this unquestionably unqualified nomination.

Grow up and move beyond your partisan whining!

4/27/2005 07:38:00 AM  

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