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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be Like Dr. Phil

Let's play a game. One of these things is not like the other, one of these...you get the idea.

George Patton/Douglas MacArthur/Dwight Eisenhower/Ellen DeGeneres

If you chose Ms. DeGeneres, you have half a brain cell. If you chose Douglas MacArthur, then your IQ is sufficiently low enough to be the creator of "Greatest American", a new special on the Discovery channel hosted by Matt Lauer. The idea is that America will go online and choose from 100 nominees the greatest American in history. While the idea sounds OK in theory, the execution is a train wreck.

First, there are the nominees themselves. Aside from TV's Ellen, we can choose from legends like John Edwards, George Lucas, Madonna, Barack Obama, and of course, Dr. Phil. These people are being offered as the peers of Einstein, FDR, and Martin Luther King. If Lauer can pull off those comparisons without cracking a smile, he might as well run for office.

While you could explain those choices as simple stupidity, a closer look reveals the true culprit: naked left-wing bias. For starters I offer you these two mini-bios from the website:
"During the administration of X, the U.S. enjoyed more peace and economic prosperity than at any other time in the nation's history. He turned the greatest fiscal deficit in American history into a surplus"
"He was known for being a prolific letter writer, esteemed for his love letters to his wife..."
Give up? The first was Bill Clinton, the second was Ronald Reagan. Love letters for God's sake. Do I have to go any further? OK, how about Rush Limbaugh, who was clearly added only so they could justify Michael Moore as well:
"Staunchly conservative political radio commentator Rush Limbaugh...[r]ecently he has been dogged by scandals involving prescription drug use and making alleged racist comments against Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb during a network football show."
Yup, that's pretty much all you have to know about him. Meanwhile we're reminded that John Edwards was named "America's Sexiest Politician" by People magazine.

I could go on with these for another 40 paragraphs, but I'll just let you visit the site for yourself. Of course none of this matters since the show will probably draw half a dozen viewers, but it's still hilarious.


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