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Thursday, June 02, 2005

I'm Sure It Sounds Great When They Read It to Themselves

As a long suffering reader of most of the popular liberal blogs, I think I've finally cracked the template they use to come up with posts everyday. I assume there's a template involved at least, since one would be hard-pressed to produce such a consistent level of crap day in and day out (a million monkeys chained to a million typewriters after all). To illustrate my point we'll use The Huffington Post, a blog that really raised the bar in terms of quantity and....well, the opposite of quality.

As a liberal blogger, one must assume one of two states of mind when preparing to write: taking yourself too seriously, or thinking you're actually funny. Neither one is really worse than the other, although each evokes its own unique cringe from any reader with half a brain cell. Rarely, a writer will become confused and assume both in the same post (See: anything by Michael Moore), but we'll save that for an advanced class, as it frequently induces vomiting.

Randall Robinson's post today is what inspired this topic. It's so textbook, so nauseating, that the world would be a worse place if I didn't bring it to someone's attention. Randall must have partied too hard this weekend, because he's just getting around to the Memorial Day edition of his anti-war rant.To open he declares "I can no longer bear it", and follows by dropping the bombshell that soldiers are dying in Iraq. Wow, I had no idea! Luckily Randall has a simple solution to stop the bloodshed. He proposes this incredibly insightful question to the President:

"[W]ould the war in Iraq have been worth the loss of a single human life, had that life been yours?"
No doubt President Bush just dropped his copy of the article and muttered, "My God, what have I done?" Bravo Randall, Bravo.

Don't worry though folks, liberals aren't all doom and gloom. Take Gina Nahai, a fun-loving Lib (I'm just guessing her bio reads something like this) who isn't afraid to stick it to the man...and leave them rolling in the aisles! Gina woke up with the hilarious idea of suggesting Bush invade Vatican City in order to bring democracy to those repressed citizens. What brilliant satire, I mean for God's sake , they don't even allow gay porn to be shown in the Sistine Chapel! Not one to be concerned with actually being funny, Gina runs with this idea for about 2,000 words, and manages to never make a valid point. Incredible.

Sometimes, in my weakest moments, I fantasize about becoming one of them. I could just wake up, write an article about how Cheney hates minorities, and go back to bed. It's tempting, but I think I'll pass. I'd really hate to have to punch myself in the face every time I look in the mirror.

4 Comments:

Blogger Cuevas said...

So you're part of the thinks they are funny category right?

6/02/2005 09:55:00 AM  
Blogger Brash Limburg said...

No, actually I think vomit is deadly serious.

6/02/2005 10:37:00 AM  
Blogger Nedhead said...

Good thing you don't take yourself too seriously, Brash.

It seems to me that you have pretty much described any blog that has political leanings, left or right.

6/02/2005 12:34:00 PM  
Blogger Crackpot Press said...

I have question for the Repubs,let's look back to 2003. Let's say Bush has said we are going to commit 130k soldiers and hundreds of billions of dollars to "Free Iraqis" and we have no real plan to get them out.

Would you have been for going to war?

Because that is what the mission is now.

6/07/2005 08:34:00 AM  

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